Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
