Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
