I want to have your abortion
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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