I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
