omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
