FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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