i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
