I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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