I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize