i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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