I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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