I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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