I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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