Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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