holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
