If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
