don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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