Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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