he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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