You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
