after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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