i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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