That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pants are for mortals
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
