At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
