D3 body, D1 cock
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
