he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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