She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
