because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
