i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
