My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
