There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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