As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
