toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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