his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
