Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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