He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
