i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
