So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
