how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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