everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Let's paint friendship bongs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize