Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
