bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
