Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
