You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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