Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
