What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
