Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
