I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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