You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's always time for handjobs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
