Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
