i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
