Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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