Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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