it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
