My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
