I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When did angry sex become our thing?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
