you traded sex for a burrito?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
