dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
