So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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