Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
