I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
zippers are such a cool invention
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
