My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize