dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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