Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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