Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
