i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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