you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
