If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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