do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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