My sheets look like a crime scene.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
