before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
