You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
