No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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