how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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