We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize